For anyone who’s ever worked around pipe design, fabrication, or installation—you’ve probably seen your fair share of confusing notes. But nothing compares to these classics.
They’ve been floating around for decades, and I remember using them back in my piping and vessel design days just to see if the shop foreman was really reading the notes.
Here’s the legendary “Joke Pipe Spec.”
- All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal centered around the hole.
- All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length.
- All pipe is to be of the very best quality, preferably tubular or pipular.
- All acid-proof pipe is to be made of acid-proof metal.
- The O.D. (outside diameter) of the pipe must exceed the I.D. (inside diameter), otherwise the hole will be on the outside of the pipe.
- All pipe is to be supplied with nothing inside the hole so water, steam, or other stuff can be put inside later.
- All pipe is to be supplied without rust, as this can be more readily put on at the job site.
- All pipe is to be free of any covering such as mud, tar, barnacles, or any form of manure before putting up, otherwise it will make lumps under the paint.
- All pipe over 500 feet in length must have the words “Long Pipe” clearly painted on each end so the fitter will know it is a long pipe.
- Pipe over two miles long must also have “Long Pipe” painted in the middle so the fitter won’t have to walk the entire length to find out.
- All pipe over six inches in diameter must have the words “Large Pipe” painted on so the fitter doesn’t use it for a small pipe.
- All pipe closures are to be open on one end.
- All pipe fittings are to be made of the same stuff as the pipe.
- Pipe specified as “Straight Pipe” shall not have fittings within its length, otherwise it becomes “Crooked Pipe.”
